he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
