im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
