Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
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