Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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