actually, I'm a sock model
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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