I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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