Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
