Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
