I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
