i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
