My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
