My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
