So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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