Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
