I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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