I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
