Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
