I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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