Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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