he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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