Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
