My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
