i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
