My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
