Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
