I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
