So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
