his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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