Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
