Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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