i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
