I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My ass is underappreciated
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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