Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
