I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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