dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
