have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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