So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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