If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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