I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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