How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
