I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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