I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
