Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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