saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
