3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
