i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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