just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
