i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
