Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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