She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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