just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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