angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
