I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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