My cat gives me a boner
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
