Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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