just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
