please come you make the beer taste better
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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