Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
