Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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