I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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